Mike Sonko has captured the imagination of many Kenyans, and the youth particularly look up to him. Joe Mudukiza has published a book “We Love Mike Sonko”, in which he documents why Nairobians love Mike Sonko. He has also released a video to accompany the book. It is not clear whether Mr. Sonko has read the book, but should he, it is most likely he will be amused at this gesture.
The post NEW BOOK explains WHY ‘Nairobians’ LOVE Mike Sonko appeared first on Kenya Today.
This is the trending photo of the day, CS Ann Waiguru and H.E Uhuru’s coincidentally matched a tie and the dress, very nice!
It is not the first time powerful top Statehouse honchos have their wardrobe excellence matching, often Deputy president H.E William Ruto and his boss H.E Uhuru have had a matching dress code- the red tie, blue suit and white shirt. First lady Margret’s red roses Kitenge that matches with Uhuru’s Tie- very beautiful. Uhuru and his top aide Jomo Gecaga occasionally are on kirk golf trousers.
Now in this photo madam Ann rocks in her super Kitenge that matches with Uhuru’s tie, very smart
The post AMAZING Star PHOTO: H.E Uhuru and CS Ann Waiguru, Tie Matches with dress ! appeared first on Kenya Today.
Pioneer Nairobi Businesswoman and industrialist Esther Passaris appear to be pregnant. See the featured photo above.
You will agree that she is smart pregnant if not then she just some nice choma somewhere. If she is then the timing is perfect as by pick of campaign time the baby will already be + 9 months and the beautiful mama Nairobi will be ready to hit the campaign trail.
Nairobi residents are eager to elect her as the next women rep ….
The post Is City Politician Esther Passaris PREGNANT? check out Beautiful smart Photo appeared first on Kenya Today.
Controversial State House Blogger and Digital Communications Director Dennis Itumbi might now be headed for bigger things after he was admitted at the Prestigious Leicester University in the UK for Master Degree studies in New Media, Governance and democracy.
According to sources Itumbi will graduate ahead of the 2017 general elections (if he works hard :) ). He has been admitted to a newly mounted masters programme with a focus in New Media, Governance and Democracy. Few Kenyans have graduated from Leicester University among them is Daily Nation Editor Andrew Teyie and journalist Carol Kimutai.
Itumbi a well known Uhuru mouth piece enjoys close relationship with the President and is presumed to be one of the top Jubilee Propaganda strategists. Itumbi played a key role in dismatling the ICC mynth especially among the Mt Kenya youth. In the 2013 presidential campaigns Itumbi together with Hon Moses Kuria and Alfred Getonga spearheaded the Jubilee Media strategy.
The State House chief blogger was spotted at a City Hotel during an induction course for newly admitted students at Leicester University.
Political pundits think Itumbi will be elevated to the cabinet if Uhuru wins his second term 2017 polls. After winning the second and last term Uhuru will relax his propaganda arsenal and that is the time Itumbi may be elevated to the cabinet, if Kambi and Ole Lenku did it why not Itumbi? posed a pundit who spoke to this writer on condition of anonymity.
The State House chief propagandist was nearly edged out of his influential post last year after a gang of former President Mwai Kibaki’s to bureaucrats ganged up declared that Itumbi never graduated from Kenya Institute of Mass Communication with a diploma but a certificate, but their plot was thwarted after the Government premier media College produced his diploma certificates.
Some masters degree programmes can admit participants without undergraduate degree on the basis of their experience, Itumbi with a experience of more than 10 years and his strategic role are some of the key strong points the university admissions panel may have considered to grant him admission. Linus Kaikai and Emmanuel Juma are also KIMC diploma graduates alleged to have been admitted to masters degree programmes in South Africa and Europe on basis of their experience and seniority in employment.
Friends and foe agree the Itumbi is meticulous at his job, it doesnt matter that the boy is only a diploma holder. Look after the president aborted USA trip, Statehouse easily managed to divert attention by releasing the list of newly appointed Parastatal heads- now that was smart!
Other than Itumbi the president has a super working relationship with other young professionals in Jubilee including TNA Chairman Sakaja Johnson, his private secretary Jomo Gecaga and TNA Legal boss Jasper Mbeuki.
Itumbi will however have to work hard to balance his job and studies, the programme at Leicester is rigorous and the fact Itumbi will have to read a lot being a virgin in governance in governance and general academia.
We wish Dennis well, BUT he should reconsider releasing those idiotic statement signed by so called PSCU directors attacking Raila Odinga, ODM and Opposition. Those statements are the most useless thing since the invention of nothing!
The post REVEALED: Uhuru GROOMS Dennis Itumbi for a cabinet position, what with sending him for STUDIES? appeared first on Kenya Today.
Today morning, a Modern Coast bus left Mombasa at 8am, headed for Nairobi. After refueling at Mazeras, the journey continued, with most passengers busy on their smartphones or catching up with the day’s newspaper.
On reaching Mtito Andei the bus made a stop over.One Abdifatah, a passenger of Somali descent went out of the bus to ease himself. On his way back to the bus, he bought some Del Monte juice. In one take, he finished all the juice before reaching the bus. And the journey continued…..
That’s the news si lazma iwe ajali ama mabomu. Style up!
The post BREAKING NEWS: Modern Coast Bus Left Mombasa for Nairobi a board A Somali Man on reaching Mtito Andei….. appeared first on Kenya Today.
By the Public on Facebook
Classic FM radio host Nick Odhiambo took to Facebook where he joked about Luo girls being of dark complexion hmmm what he got was a surprise, a thorough online roasting. Here are the top insults.
Chilling in club signature kisumu, na si wasichana hapa ni weusi, hii ni club ama duka ya makaa!
Posted by Nick Odhiambo on Friday, May 1, 2015
Diana Bess: makaa is cheap yawa ,couldnt you find something else to describe our beauty? for instance a black berry!.
Mikal Modi: You are even more foolish than your face appears. Old man trying to pretend that he is young…nitwit
Jakatuda Oluoch: Akili ndogo kama sabuni ya lodging. ..Kichwa ndio kubwa
ROse Alexandra Fat like a pig with horrible nasty looks step in kisumu and you will be fucked good Guok I curse you and u can’t do a thing you can bl lost fuck urself
Susan Oduor: Nick odhiambo, no face, no brains, no muscles, no six packs, no walking style. N yet u think that you are luo, ask your parents about ur background. Mijinga hii
Susan Oduor: Am waiting for that snow white man to speak, he thinks that all women are fragile like his wife, black jack
Steve Ngush Roberts now youv’e talked about complexion let us also talk about physical appearance, do you have a mirror either in your house, car or office? kindly use them welland tell us what u resemble
Della Adams: Hii ni sura ya radio, si ya t.v.
Angel White Amayo Hahahahaha ni somebody give this gorilla a mirro
Achieng Lucy :Miriam Nabwire even if I was navy blue that ugly purple guy can’t call me charcoal black#he should go for a face lift fast before calling us blue#idiot
llicent Omego: I am as dark as charcoal and very proud of my complexion. I will never bleach myself to impress some useless perverts. I never asked God to create me this way…makes me wonder why some people look down on Gods creature, pity that its your roots. Beauty is skin deep. Some talks really. …makes you wonder one’s personality
Susan Oduor #Onyies an nyar alego, karuoth, to agoyoni Nyasaye hero kamano kuom miyi nyako, nyi kamba kod okuche emakawoga chuo ma obanyong’ kamano.
Dee Olonde Kay Hihihihihi! The kettle just came back to laugh at the pot.
Robert Okello Mboya: According to this buffoon only women with a light complexion should go clubbing. The jokes on you fool because if you think that they don’t belong then neither do you. When you come or get the opportunity to visit the U.S. uta shanga ati makaa. Makaa ni wewe. There people here who are whiter than white and still identify with blackness because it’s their heritage and they are proud of it. Odianga Abuk! You should be in jail for assaulting your wife. Shame on all that think you’re smart
Susan Oduor Ahahahaha, #Achieng nick is not navy blue, he is luminous black, i hear that back in the village he is the albino
Salie Sue He is a sick excuse of a man and Rach ka chieth. Whoever told u Ati u r handsome Woi… Look at the mirror one more time before ever dissing a Luo chic. Hata hauna shame. You’d think he is Denzel sorry bro .. Far from it… Nkt brukenge ni
Charles Mark Onguko Nick u r a disgrace to the people of Gem Sinaga.In ua entire clan,u r the darkest and most ugly one.U should be the last dick head to insult anyone given ua background
Robert Okello Mboya Ma nyap egimomiyo odondre gi nyarabuon. Nyaluo dinose dunye pat sabun. Odhoge ni.
Last Born: I think this dude was seeking attention.Have never tuned to hear his nonsense since i dnt know when.His intellect is quite suspect.Whoever stroked his ego and told him he has a “nice” voice and gave him a job did a huge disservice to mankind.Tafadhali make positive statements and stay relevant.These juvenile rants dnt match your age.
Miriam Nabwire: Muache kuleta mafeelings za bure,sisi wajaluo tuko weusi si siri. Tell da truth to ashame da devil.MKUBALI YAISHE.
Marggiey Dennis: Nxt time while in kisumu mind ua own biznes nick. Never try God with bangi or sigara.
ROse Alexandra You are insulting us and where is ur surname from? Just because of that proxy job u got? I tell you what? You are low life good for nothing looser and a fucking arse hole bloody dick head go curse ur mother
The post TOP 20 INSULTS on Classic FM’s NICK Odhiambo for abusing Luo Girls, JEEZ this is MEAN! appeared first on Kenya Today.
A man was kidnapped and raped at gunpoint by three women who wanted to harvest his semen.
The trio stopped in a black BMW in South Africa to ask for directions then bundled him into a car before driving him 300 miles.
They fondled the 33-year-old but when he didn’t become aroused they forced him to drink something from a bottle.
After that they raped him and put the semen in plastic bags in a cooler box before driving off, leaving him 500km from the township where they picked him up in Port Elizabeth.
Constable Mncedi Mbombo told Sowetan Live: ‘They then forced him to drink an unknown substance from a bottle. This got him aroused quickly even though he was still scared and didn’t want to have sex.
‘This is really confusing to us because we have never heard of such a thing before. The man was fully conscious throughout his ordeal and he is still traumatised.’
The post HOW three Women KIDNAPPED, RAPED and stole SPERMS from a man at Gunpoint appeared first on Kenya Today.
Here is the article that has caused newly married Star Journalist Oliver Mathenge to regret marriage on social media.
By City Girl
Four, no, five people have asked me to write about this. Normally, I write and do what I like but I have humbled myself for once to take an idea from colleagues. Somehow, they think I can do their dirty job.
There is this young man who has really annoyed many colleagues because of his nauseating social media theatrics.
I am sorry to be writing about social media again, dear readers. But hear me one more time please, as it is serious.
Allow me a chance to indulge you a little regarding this colleague of ours whom we have decided that an intervention — and a public one for that matter — is the only way to help a brother.
CHEEP BEER
This fellow, who is fairly good-looking but a tad bit too short for my preference, has formed a very bad habit of displaying every single aspect of his young life on social media.
His social media accounts are a shameless public display of idiocy. I don’t follow him that much on social media for only one reason; cerebral hygiene.
I am writing this based on information given to me by my credible newsroom sources.
So he goes out for a date with a girlfriend. He takes a photo and posts it on Twitter or Instagram.
Does he buy a six pack of his favourite cheap beer? Picha pap! Twitterati must know about it.
Does he propose to the girl? Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and the entire republic of social media should surely be made aware.
BOILING AN EGG
What about when he gathers a few friends to accompany him for a ruracio and ngurario? He will give his followers a blow-by-blow account of the functions and if you didn’t make it, you almost feel like you were there.
I understand he got married recently. His followers haven’t heard the last of it yet. I don’t know how true this is, but colleagues who follow him on social media whispered to me that he had this “countdown to his wedding” as if it was the second coming of Christ.
One might be tempted to believe he was the first journalist to tie the knot.
Readers, I am sorry to bore you with the immature and annoying behaviour of a sleazy young man who thinks his marriage is everyone’s business.
But I am too excited to stop here. I have only just begun! I have got to tell you a few more absurd things that he has been doing on social media recently- just in case you were wondering if anyone can be more foolish than our MCAs, Members of Parliament and senators.
So this man — fresh from his honeymoon — has been, for the last few weeks, flaunting his “beautiful” wife on Twitter.
Those who follow him on Instagram have reliably informed me that approximately 67 per cent of his posts and photos are about “my beautiful wife this, my beautiful wife that”, complete with a battalion of hashtags like #MarriageLife #ILoveMyWife.
I think the charming couple recently bought a Toyota — which according to my sources — is a massive achievement for a man of his modest means.
In a bid to introduce the ‘beast’, the dear lovely couple will post photos of themselves in the car and captions like “Stuck in traffic” or “Headed to work”.
How else would his followers know how well he and his wife are doing?
The man is a perennial ‘check-inner’. He is always checking-in at low-class pubs and restaurants — of course with the ‘beautiful’ wife in tow.
It doesn’t end there. Followers are treated to an assortment of photos of his food and drink from all possible angles, with captions like “Dinner Date With Wifey”. It is really inspirational for many of his followers who cannot afford weekend brunch with their spouses at low class restaurants.
And he is a self-promoter par excellence. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the only freshly married young man who cooks breakfast for his wife.
To show the rest of us — clueless, unmarried people who cannot boil an egg how it is done — you can follow his social media account for a step-by-step procedure of a groundbreaking event where a man cooks breakfast for his “beautiful” wife.
Ensure you look out for a legion of hashtags like #CookingForBae and #MwanaumeNiKupikiaBibiBreakfast.
LOT OF FUN
But just not to throw this column to the gutter and degrade it by writing about one mannerless man on social media, I must say this trend of flaunting relationships on social media is really catching on.
For God’s sake, keep your relationships out of Facebook, Instagram or any other social medium.
Keep your ruracios and ngurarios to yourself. I am sure your relationship is great, your partner is a godsend and you are having a lot of fun with your significant other.
I am also sure your traditional wedding was more colourful and extravagant than any other we have ever seen.
I am certain your wife is the prettiest of them all and your husband is the most romantic ‘bae’ ever. You are definitely happy.
But social media is not the place to flaunt your relationship. Have some sense of dignity for heavens sake!
FEEDBACK
I refer to your last article “Date a man married to football? Not me!” In as much as you have penned reasonable pieces in the past, I wonder why you have this extreme anathema to the men’s choice for football. This then makes me pose a question: What then do you date? Geoffrey Birundu
Just regaled myself with your weekly article and, as usual, have been thoroughly entertained. But you do know much about football — the season is ending not beginning! Stan Ramogo”
I totally disagree with the idea of dumping a man because he is a football fan. I felt bad because I’m Man United fan and my girl doesn’t feel good when I’m out watching football. I find it weird but you should know zeal is what drives us. About jumping and clapping when a player is introduced in the field has nothing to do with homosexuality. We watch a game as a team. When a tough player is introduced, we clap because we are sure he has increased our chances of winning. Victor Kipkurui Langat
@njorogekibe @njokichege. Irony in the article on why she would never date a football fan yet she’s secretly a fan. Girl, your knowledge of the clubs gives you away.
@JonDwyane @njokichege. if a guy is not a football fanatic, then what is he?
@Erik_Njiru @njokichege. Football is what keeps some of these people in Nairobi courtesy of Sportpesa. When you realise how much we make, you’ll shut up.
Read original article here
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The male organ is home to diverse bacteria; the skin of the penis plays host to a community of bacteria. Experts would say that the human body is an ecosystem, and a lot has to be done to take care of the body.
Some men are quite lackadaisical when it comes to taking care of their man part, and that in itself is being unfair to themselves and their partner.
Below are certain things every man should know about taking care of their organ:
1. PUBIC HAIR SHOULD BE WELL GROOMED
The hairs surrounding the male organ should be well shaven; this would reduce the moisture and as well as increase the cleanliness level. Also, when well shaven, it enhances better self-examination as well as increase the sensitivity levels during sex.
2. The male organ could be said to be quite tender, so there is no need for vigorous washing or scrubbing; just simply wash with warm water. In the case of uncircumcised men, shift the foreskin aside and wash with warm water without soap and let the area dry afterwards.
3. Do not wash the male organ with powerful soaps or disinfectants, non-cleanser soap or mild soap is more appropriate.
4. THE FREQUENCY OF WASHING IS ALSO IMPORTANT
Too frequent or infrequent washing of the male genital do sometimes have an adverse effect; it sometimes causes balanitis — an inflammation of the penis.
5. The use of talc and deodorants should also be avoided; they could get under the foreskin and cause an irritation.
6. The base of the penis and the testicles should also be cleaned carefully because sweat and hair can combine to give it a pungent odour, mostly because they are enclosed in underwear for majority of the day.
7. THE UNDERWEAR
This is another area where most men fail; the care of the organ cannot be done without the care of the underwear. The underwear accumulates sweat and bacteria, so it should be changed frequently. A lot of men wear underwear repeatedly without washing them – that isn’t good for your skin health.
If you deem your organ important fellas, you ought to take proper care of it.
Adapted from El Crema
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For most students, there is nothing more stressful than a final exam. But now imagine that to pass the exam, you have to be naked in a candlelit classroom. Not only in front of your whole class, but also in front of your professor.
At the University of California, San Diego, this naked final exam is in fact a course requirement for a class in the visual arts department.
But nudity isn’t enough for the students of the upper-level course, as they must also perform ‘a gesture that traces, outlines or speaks about your ‘erotic self(s)’, according to the course syllabus.
Professor Dominguez insists nudity is a ‘standard canvas for performance art and body art’ (photograph posed by models)
A disgusted mother has spoken out against the requirement on local ABC News affiliate, KGTV, after her daughter told her of the final exam.
The mother insists that the requirement is not made clear at the start of the course, and called it a ‘perversion’.
She added that the exam – during which all the students and the male professor strip naked in a candlelit classroom – made her ‘sick to her stomach’.
But professor Ricardo Dominguez insists that he has not had any complaints in the 11 years he has taught the course.
‘It’s the standard canvas for performance art and body art,’ Dominguez told local ABC News affiliate KGTV.
‘It is all very controlled… If they are uncomfortable with this gesture, they should not take the class.’
According to the course description on the faculty website, students ‘use autobiography, dream, confession, fantasy or other means to invent one’s self in a new way, or to evoke the variety of selves in our imagination’.
It continues: ‘The course experiments with an explores the rich possibilities available to the contemporary artist in his or her own persona’.
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Gor Mahia fans are up in arms looking for a woman who removed her clothes during the weekend match against Western Stima. They claim the woman bewitched their team.
The unidentified woman was captured removing her clothes as the match progressed.
The green army now wants her barred from attending other Gor Mahia matches. Here are the photos.
Photo 1
She starts to remove her top
Photo 2
Bottom bare
Photo 3
Oops, madness!
Photo 4
Sober?
The post Gor Mahia fans claim woman who STRIPPED NAKED during weekend match BEWITCHED team appeared first on Kenya Today.
By Mwamburi
In her “Date a man married to football? Not Me!” which is done in relatively good prose but frail argument, Njoki Chege complains about a host of things around the game of football and relationships.
She advises ladies thus: “If your man, my dear girls, screams and claps when the likes of Sanchez step into the field, then that man is a closeted homosexual. How else can you explain a man shrieking in glee at the sight of another man? So, stop being disagreeable because your favourite player — who is also your secret crush — has failed the entire team.”
I mean, the Njoki who is always running into people’s relationships and nerves because she has never understood the offside rule in football? She does not know football is probably more creative than drama which her coach offers as an alternative by her coach in secondary school.
You have heard, for you definitely cannot know, those who have spared their virginity to the outermost rim of life only to surrender it to the ‘wrong’ persons.
Those of us who have lost our virginity most recently are like the team which concedes a late goal. It is the most painful.
We are the types who go around blaming everyone of the opposite gender thinking that: “all (wo)men are the same”. The late goal awakens us to the mistakes that are mostly made at later and ripe stages of life. As such, we should forever be keen because the final tide may become the figurative straw that broke the camel’s back.
On the other side are those knocked-out the Tyson style. Those who pave way very early in life because they believe it is needless to waste energy shielding what you will eventually give. Hush! These is not about virginity or lack of it thereof, it is about life and death. Na hata kama ni about virginity and sex kwani “tudu nikii?”
The Late Bruno Metsu would always tell Senegalese football players in their world cup matches that “every match is a match of your life”. Football, like any other sport is the sure mimicry of life…it presents lessons which are applied daily in life.
Njoki, football is not a silly game where 22 men kick and run after an inflated piece of pigskin. Every panting, sweating and scoring is the jaw-dropping battle of life outside here. It is an intellectual battle which is a precipitated statement of patriotic, economic and ideological conquering of the strategic and privileged.
It is a spherical body in the shape of the world, on a flat play ground representing the equal chances that life gives us until we mess up.
However, there will be issues beyond our ability and comprehension. They are the referee who plays God and makes the ultimate decisions of and over our lives. Once he decides it is a penalty there is nothing we can do.
The 90-minute time limit teaches us of our frontiers in life and the time within which we have to conclude our business on this side of the universe. Then, there are spectators who ‘know’ more than the players and the coach.
These are people who are experts of everything including nothing. They are ‘experts’ who advise you about everything in your life. They are outsiders who “mourn louder than the owners of the corpse.” Achebe.
In life, the very ambitious always find their behind eaten. This makes more sense to those who have played against teams like Barcelona which penetrates anything that is agape. It is for the simple reason in football that you cannot attack and defend at the same time. If you go for goals, you leave your defence prone to counter-attacks. The very serious in life do not follow the madness that football is thus eventually lack the tactics of this game of life. For this reason, lovers have had to come home to cheating spouses because they were busy attacking opportunities.
Whenever Jose Mourinho plays against Barca, he plays defensive, his players run least and they spare their energy for a strategic pounce on the formidable enemy. We must always know when to attack in life for the rules in the football pitch teach us all.
To Chelsea, it is not the flowery, decorated and classy presentation that matters but strategy to get the trophy. There comes a time when clinching the trophy is all that matters. You know what a man who wants a lady does. It happened to Njoki when her boyfriend who” was all about football… and clapping very hard and screaming like a woman in labour when Manchester United scored a goal…” came seducing you.
It may be the reason some go for those spouses who may not be as beautiful/handsome but are result oriented when it comes to marriage. We do not need models to take to coffee dates and orgasmic orgies at lap-dancing clubs when it comes to marriage. Such women have been stress to men who have fought to snatch their babes from more blessed revellers
However, there are those who can manage beautiful and productive football like Team Barcelona. Arsenal has tried to imitate them but they never get the results because life cannot be an exact duplicate. In addition, these games present solemn social spheres of life.
Whenever Barca plays Real Madrid, the secessionist narrative of groups like Al-Shabaab, Boko Haram and ISIS are brought to the fore. Barcelona comes from Catalonia which is pushing for self-determination from the main Spain. Every match with teams outside Catalonia is broader than just football.
The political aspirations, fears and hopes of its people are embodied in every strain or turn that the magical Messi makes for them.
The other thing that we see in football especially by the whites is an assertion of their superiority to the black race. Unlike our Kenyan teams where players carelessly hit against each other as they injure and aimlessly run in the pitch, Europesan football is a show of class, wit and strategy. Watch them play and see the ball running constantly as the players move calculatively move around with ease. Let the ball roll, labour less and play best. What of the 400 million US dollar ‘fight of the century’? What lessons are in and outside the ring? It is not just how the whites can hype what is theirs to suck all the money in the world but also the politics of “you cannot win a major war on American soil” from outside.
Did you know that Manny Pacquiao represented the poor masses of the rest of the world who feel oppressed, robbed and abused by Mayweather of the rich system?
Ever known what Muhammad Ali’s philosophy of “float like a butterfly and sting like a bee” has done to all facets of human life? I have just stung you like a bee only to marvel at the beautiful floating butterfly should you be lucky to see me.
If you do not change tactic, football will forever get a men’s hundred per cents in everything. If you study football and be counseled of it, you will conquer him and stop whining on magazeti ya kufungia nyama.
By the way, how do patrons of the pen like Philip Ochieng’, David Ndii, Roy Gachuhi et al write on the same day and paper with Njoki Chege? Doesn’t she suffocate from their resultant linguistic and logical aroma? Is she capable of abstract thought needed to sustain a column? It may be the all the City Girl does is to hallucinate on paper.
Life is a game, you can take these lessons to bed and see the results.
Mwamburi Mwang’ombe is a literature major.
The post Column WARS: COLUMNIST Njoko Chege LECTURED by ‘Bad Ass’ Writer Mwamburi Mwang’ombe appeared first on Kenya Today.
I know you don’t mean to be offensive. I know you’re just trying to connect with me. But even if I’m a little stereotypical, I’m not just a stereotype churned out of the factory of Sex and the City ‘s tokenism. And if you really want to be friends, I would appreciate it if you never said any of the following:
1. “I have the perfect guy for you. He’s so cute!”
We just met. You literally know nothing about me except that I’m gay. And let’s be real, your friend is probably not actually that cute. You know that stereotype about gay men having impossibly high standards? It’s not completely wrong.
2. “Gay guys love me!”
The girls who say this sort of thing are usually hot messes. Don’t get me wrong, I love a freakum-dress-wearing, binge-drinking, big-hair-don’t-care wild child as much as the next guy, but there’s something a little scary about a woman who thinks of herself as the gay equivalent of catnip.
No, no, no, no, no. God no! Keep your clothes on. I’m good. Really. I swear.
3. “I’m like a gay man trapped inside a woman’s body.”
I know you’re trying to connect with me, but what does that even mean? Does that make me a straight woman trapped inside a gay man’s body? Trust me, there’s a lot more to being gay than enjoying nice clothes and hooking up with dudes.
4. “How do you know you’re gay if you’ve never been with a woman?”
Did you need to experiment with women to know you were straight? What about porcupines? How do you know you wouldn’t enjoy sex with a porcupine if you don’t at least try it?
5. “I would never have known you were gay. You seem so straight.”
I know you think this is a compliment, but it’s really not. This is not meant as a dig against guys who do “pass for straight,” but it’s not the kind of thing any of us should be striving for. Being our own authentic selves should be the goal. I haven’t “passed” since I was nine and I’m good with that. In fact, I’m great with that. Besides, it takes a lot of courage to be out and proud.
No, no, no, no, no. God no! Keep your clothes on. I’m good. Really. I swear.
6. “I wish I had your body. You are so skinny!”
I don’t want to be “skinny.” I want to be hot. Man hot. Not woman hot. Ok, so some guys want to be skinny, but don’t please don’t assume I am one of them. I want muscles — big, hulking, roid-raging muscles.
7. “Come to girl’s night!”
If I’m invited then it’s not girl’s night. Stop calling it that! I’m not a girl!
8. “I wouldn’t want my son to be gay, just because life would be so much harder for him then.”
You know what would be really damaging to a kid? If he was gay and he heard his mom or dad say that being gay was a disability that would only make his life harder. Imagine how freaked out that would make him. Besides, I’m amazing and so are all my gay friends.
9. “Boys suck. Why can’t you be straight?”
Again, you probably think you are paying me a compliment, but you’re sort of creeping me out. You’re making me feel like the only thing stopping you from jumping me right now is that you know it wouldn’t go anywhere and that adds a whole new dimension to our relationship that I’m really not comfortable with. Maybe don’t try to hold my hand right now.
No, no, no, no, no. God no! Keep your clothes on. I’m good. Really. I swear.
10. “Why aren’t there any pretty lesbians?”
I actually know lots of pretty lesbians. Gorgeous even. You probably do too, you just don’t realize it.
11. “You should take me shopping!”
Should I? Even if I liked shopping — which, ironically because I’m a fashion editor, I don’t — following you around to a bunch of stores while you try on clothes is not exactly my idea of a dream weekend. Maybe if you agreed to try on whatever I told you to, no questions asked, and bought me dinner afterwards, I would be more inclined to say yes, but even then you’re looking at a hard sell.
12. “My boyfriend isn’t homophobic, he’s just uncomfortable around gay guys.”
Some guys have never spent time with an openly gay person and just need to be educated on what gay men are really like. That’s fine. But if your guy cringes when a gay man looks at him or thinks gay guys should act more like “straight” men to make themselves more palatable, then he’s an asshole and, honestly, you’re kind of an asshole for dating him. The truth is, his attitude says a lot about you and how much you really value the gay people in your life.
13. “There is no way (insert actor’s name here) can be gay!”
Really? Why not? Because they seem so “macho?” Because they’re married? They’re actors! Is it too much of a leap to think they might be acting off-screen as well as on? They’ve got a lot riding on your perception of them. Besides, what do you know about what goes on in in someone else’s head? In their private life? Just because you see someone on TV and read about them in magazines doesn’t mean you know who they are. The same thing goes for non-actors. I’m never shocked when anyone comes out of the closet. If anything, I’m just sad they felt the need to stay in it for so long in the first place.
No, no, no, no, no. God no! Keep your clothes on. I’m good. Really. I swear.
The post TOP 10 Things You Should NEVER Say To A Gay Man appeared first on Kenya Today.
If there are any issues driving a wedge in your relationship, skip the venting session with girlfriends, and talk to your husband first. “Husband shaming” helps no one.
If you hear anything negative said about your other half — even in jest — step up and defend him. Show that your marriage is full of strength and unity.
The only way to make a united marriage even stronger is to put God at the head of it.
As frivolous as it may sound, this comforting gesture goes a long way.
If your man spends what little free time he has serving his community or church, you may feel a bit lonesome. Just remember that others may be in need of his service too.
Spend more time focusing on what hubbydoes do and less on what he doesn’t do.
Don’t save your thanks for the big things. Your husband shows his love for you in many simple ways. Return the favor, and thank him sincerely for all the little things.
Whether your husband sits at a desk all day, shuttles the kids all around town or puts his life on the line for his country, tell him how much you appreciate his hard work and sacrifice.
Dust off your old golf clubs and hit the green with him! If you don’t enjoy the same activities, arrange an outing for him and his buddies every once in a while.
If you are constantly complaining about money, you might be making hubby feel unappreciated or undervalued.
No one is perfect. We all fail sometimes. If your husband is the primary provider, he may feel a lot of pressure to be the best. Find ways to show him that you love and believe in him no matter what happens.
When he leaves for work, when he comes home, or just because you locked eyes from across the room — I challenge you to do this at least once a day.
From going off to war to opening their hearts to those in need, our men show their courage in a myriad of ways. Recognize your husband’s resolutions, however great or small they seem.
Keep your home a happy place for your husband to find comfort and refuge from whatever the outside world throws at him.
They say that when you marry your spouse, you marry his entire family. While some families are much closer than others, it’s important to love the people who made your husband who he is. You don’t have to agree with or even get along with them. But truly love them.
Change things up! Surprise your husband with a night out where he doesn’t have to plan a thing.
Newsflash, ladies: Intimacy is one of your husband’s basic needs. Communication is key in making those special experiences better for both of you.
Men like to be tough. They are natural providers. But when they get sick, they turn back into those little boys who just want to be comforted. Give your hubby that moment, and when he’s feeling better, let him go back to “superman mode.”
As the primary cook for my family, I plan our menu around whatever I happen to be in the mood for — and what the kids will actually eat. Not very often does my husband ask me to whip up a rib-eye with a side of rib-eye (yes, that’s his favorite meal). So, when he does ask, I know I’ve neglected this one far too long.
And never pit the kids against him, forcing them to choose sides. Keep your marital issues between you and your husband.
You and your husband have a one-of-a-kind marriage, and these ideas are just the beginning. Try implementing a few, and watch your relationship flourish and grow.
The post TOP 20 ‘holy things’ a woman MUST DO to a man appeared first on Kenya Today.
See the photo. Kindly avoid junk. LOL!
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By Alberto Nyakundi Amenya – Banana pedlar, Kisii
Kenyan ladies stop complaining about Kenyan men being unromantic. Today I’ll give you 8 tips that will never fail you as long as you follow them very painstakingly. Men love conquering. They appreciate the chase. When a man gets something easily he does not see the need to value it. Infact, if it comes easily, his sense of worth and achievement is not boosted. His morale is not gingered.
Even pundits like Israel Robert Burale will concur with me that men love women that give them challenging tasks before dating them. If you let him visit the junction anytime he wants, you are not getting it right my dear. The idea is not make him drool for it, to make him stare. Get him aroused and just give him a tender kiss, with a soft voice saying “not today baby” and he’ll be your PUPPY FOR LIFE, not ARSENAL anymore lol! The idea is to draw attention to your sexuality, without being cheap or appearing to be “free chops.”
1. Be serious: My dear, wololo oh! This is serious business. Getting a guy to a state where he is so horny that he is begging for sex is not beans oh! Guys have a lot on their minds; the picture of the next girl he admires is stuck in his head, lots of stuff. So, don’t laugh when you are carrying out this crucial mission. That does not mean you should become serious like a Miss Rambo. Smiling more subtly is better than laughing loud when you are on this matter. In fact, it is a very long thing.
2. Play ignorant: Guys love mystery; they are gingered when they are carrying your tasks. The man was wired to crave for something he can’t easily have. So when working him up, do not make it look obvious that your intention is to make him horny. That will give you up as cheap and he might just sleep with you and you will become another plus on his score board. Baby girl, talk to him normally, let go of any tension and flow. You are a lady, my dear; this thing comes naturally installed in you. Just flow.
3. Set the mood, create the aura: For your mission “to lay egg”, you have got to create an inviting and appealing environment. Get him to a quiet place and if possible, play soft music. You can seat close to him and let him feel your warmth. Pretend to fidget with your phone and ask him to help sort out the issue, while leaning gently to him. Not in a desperado way oh!
4. The voice: My dear, this is the time you wish you had a voice like the twitter bird. Let your voice damage his sense of reasoning. Use your soft, sensual tone to create pictures and play with his mind. I do not mean talk dirty. You could use indirect suggestive words though, but use a sensual tone that is natural. Please do not try to do it like the girls in the movies oh!. Guys get irritated by that.
5. Steal shy glances: Every guy loves a shy girl. That naïve aura they send out makes the guy want to go in for the kill. Here is how to use it to your advantage. Look at him in a shy way and smile. Do that in intervals thrice, and he is revving to help you “cure your craze.”
6. Show off little: Use pictures to tell your story. I mean show him some cleavage subtly.
7. Share joke: Remember I said no laughing. You are not in a comedy show. But you can share subtle dirty sexual jokes and thoughts. Get him to share with you too. Talk dirty, with a kind of secondary school girl appeal. Ask him dirty intimate questions like; where do you think I like being touched? If I was a light bulb, where would you press to turn me on? He will wet his pants. I tell you.
8. Touch him: Gently pretend to clean something from his face or lips while looking into his eyes subtly. My dear you have tied him and handed the key to him. He will beg to be released from your bond.
If you try all these and they don’t work, kindly give that man a High Five on his face and try someone else.
Have a great time expressing the power of your junction ladies.
The post To Ladies: This is HOW to IMPRISON a Kenyan Man, make him yours FOREVER! appeared first on Kenya Today.
After dramatic fallout with Radio Africa Group, Laura Oyier, the Luo diva who shot to fame by failing to pay her bills at a five star Nairobi hotel has entered into a lucrative water deal where she is to sign as the ‘brand’ of a new bottled water costing sh 800.
Those who will drink Laura Oyier’s water, dubbed ‘It’s My Water’, will never thirst again. At Ksh 800, the 1.5litre bottle of water is among the most expensive in the world.
The deal is a partnership between the beauty-turned-entrepreneur and water manufacturer Aquamist.
She’s been called all names with the latest being a ‘wannabe presenter’ (Nairobi News) but it is her fallout with RAG that has left tongues wagging.
“She (Laura) has a raw talent. But then, she is not willing to harness it or even learn. This is not helped by the unprofessionalism she has displayed during her stint here, including coming to work late and contributing very little,” said a source at RAG.
Didn’t RAG know she was a bimbo?
The post Laura Oyier in Ksh 800 a bottle mineral water deal – mad world! appeared first on Kenya Today.
A Nairobi’s city lawyer has a special request for President Barack Obama.
His dream is to marry one of Obama’s daughters, Malia, and is ready to pay 50 cows, 70 sheep and 30 goats as bride price.
Speaking to The Nairobian, Kiprono, who hit the headlines when he moved to court seeking to have William Ruto sworn in as president when Uhuru travelled to The Hague for his ICC case, said he is ready to meet Obama to discuss the matter when the US president visits in July.
“I got interested in her in 2008. As a matter of fact, I haven’t dated anyone since and promise to be faithful to her. I have shared this with my family and they are willing to help me raise the bride price,” he said.
The young lawyer claims his love for Malia is real and not infatuation. He claims Malia has Kenyan blood since his father Obama has Kenyan roots.
“People might say I am after the family’s money, which is not the case. My love is real,” he said, adding that, “I am currently drafting a letter to Obama asking him to please have Malia accompany him for this trip. I hope the embassy will pass the letter to him. I will hand it over to the US Ambassador with whom we have interacted several times.”
The lawyer said that should Obama accept his request, his engagement to the ‘love of his life’ will be “unique with a twist.”
“If my request is granted, I will not resort to the cliché of popping champagne. Instead, I will surprise her with mursik, the traditional Kalenjin sour milk. As an indication that she is my queen, I will tie sinendet, which is a sacred plant, around her head,” he said.
Kiprono adds that he will avoid expensive hotels in the city. “I will propose to her on a popular hill in Bureti near my father’s land where leaders and warriors are usually crowned. The place is called Kapkatet, which means ‘victory’,adding, “ours will be a simple life.
I will teach Malia how to milk a cow, cook ugali and prepare mursik like any other Kalenjin woman,” he said.
The post MADNESS: Kalenjin man in love With President Obama’s daughter Malia, offers 50 cows, 70 sheep and 30 goats for a hand in marriage appeared first on Kenya Today.
The Telegraph
Men value intelligence in women far above large breasts and long legs, a Cambridge evolutionary biologist has claimed.
Although having a large bust and never-ending pins are deemed by western culture as the epitome of femininity, when choosing a mother for their children, men look for brains first,
Professor David Bainbridge, of the University of Cambridge said that intelligence is by far the most attractive quality for men looking for a long term partner because it demonstrates that his chosen partner is likely to be a responsible parent.
It also suggests she was brought by intelligent parents and so was likely to be well fed and looked after in childhood, and so healthier. It may reveal why men like George Clooney ended up marrying human rights barrister Amal Alamuddin.
Prof Bainbridge said men actually do not care how large breasts are as long as they are symmetrical while for legs, it only matters that they are straight, as bent, uneven legs suggest a developmental illness, like rickets.
“Breast size doesn’t matter,” he told the Hay Festival. “Actually large breasts are more likely to be asymmetric and men are more attracted to symmetry. And they look older more quickly, and men value youth.
“And men are not looking for long legs. Straight legs are a sign of genetic health so that is something that is more attractive, but surveys have shown most men prefer regular length.
“The main thing that men are looking for is intelligence. Surveys have shown time and time again that this is the first thing that men look for. It shows that she will be able to look after his children and that her parents were probably intelligent as well, suggesting that she was brought up well.
• Men should marry young, smart women, say scientists
• Is the female of the species really more intelligent than the male?
• Women with hourglass figures and perfect waists most attractive, study finds
Men also look for symmetry in facial and bodily features which suggests ‘stable’ genes and youthful partners. Studies have shown that men who are four to five years older than their partners are more successful
However men do like women to be curvaceous with voluptuous thighs and bottoms, and a waist that is much slipper than their hips. Carrying a bit more weight on the thighs and the bottom suggests that a woman has stored enough fat during puberty to adequately provide for the huge requirements of a growing baby.
In fact the development of babies’ brains relies on fat supplies stripped directly from their mothers’ thighs and bottoms, especially during breastfeeding, and that the quantity of such fat supplies may directly affect a child’s intelligence and chances of survival.
It is one of the reasons why such fat is the hardest of all to shift by dieting because the body instinctively saves it.
Mammals’ and primates’ bodies typically have about 5 per cent -10 per cent of fat but in human women that rises to 30 per cent on average.
This is similar to the levels seen in bears going into hibernation or whales living in cold Arctic seas. Women have traded muscle for fat so they are about a third as strong.
Prof Bainbridge’s boot Curvology: The Origins and Power of Female Body Shape is out now.
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Do People from Mt Kenya Really Hate The Wazungus? Find Out From My Experience
By Comrade Albert Nyakundi Amenya
In 2004 when I was a newly ordained incept from Moi University Eldoret, and warming up for my MBA, I had an opportunity to serve as a factotum volunteer in Rafiki Foundation – an American NGO that foster orphaned youngsters Across Africa.
During my brief stay there, there is this spellbinding character by my brothers and sisters who worked for this NGO. These Mt. Kenya antecedents or scions as they rechristen themselves, berated the Wazungus, with the most classist, derogatory, body shaming and ultimately unguarded mesmerizing brickbats.
Funnily, there was this bespectacled stylistically nimble gentleman who doubled as an administrator in the Foundation. The bloke famously known as Mr. Mwaura buttressed his abhorrence for the Europeans and Americans respectively by affording me classical examples on how “those beasts” cruelly annexed their territories and subjugated their forefathers/mothers during the colonial era.
One day, word made rounds that home office, Rafiki Foundation Headquarters in Texas United States, wanted 6 Kenyans to go to labour abroad. 2 were to go and work in United Kingdom and the remaining 4 were United States bound.
Before it was officially announced, 101% of the Kikuyus working in the foundation had called at least 10 relatives to come and try their luck. Personally, I was disinterested albeit I was the most qualified.
My goodness, the snafu that was created was monumentally historical. The descendants of Mt. Kenya came from every nook and cranny; they came from Gatundu, Nyeri, Kangema, Kirinyaga, and other parts of the world. In fact, even those who had visited US and UK by invitation extemporarily came back so as to go back comfortably.
Mr. Mwaura had invited all his fairly educated relations. Strikingly, and during the interview day, he was smartly besuited ready for the interview. I looooked at him and asked him haha! “I thought Kikuyus hated wazungus with passion? Why are you dying to go to their countries if you detest them that much?” No sooner had I finished asking, than the man went ballistic and threatened to sponsor my sacking. From that day on, I discovered that Kikuyus hate the Wazungus with their mouths but love them with their hearts.
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